Hmm. I think we need to set aside at least one evening to thrash this out, in August. Because I am sure we could each make some points that the other hasn't yet thought of, and it would be fun.
But Twisty? Is . . . a tad out of touch with the reality of most dual-career couples, as I know them. She's nuts, in other words, when it comes to the class of educated women I know. I wouldn't even open my mouth when I met her, however, since it would be like trying to discuss sex with a virgin.
Given that you LIKED that screed, I'd say we could have a fun conversation, sugar.
But I think that part of what she and other anti-marriage bloggers are confronting, head-on and with horror, is the cost imposed by reading children. For EVERYONE involved, including the fathers. Because part of that cost to wife-and-mother that she is ranting about there is really not so much patriarchal oppression as it is generational oppression: the toll that the younger generation exacts from us older folk, as we rear them.
Life is not all about me, me, and me. Sometimes, it's about your child. And your community. And others. And if you're at the point in life where I am (with abundant resources, some moderate amount of wisdom, and some power) . . .well, yes it is appropriate that I should devote some time to serving others. Including my children. Twisty? Doesn't understand the fact that if everyone were as self-interested as she is, that our species would die out.
In our case, when Fishwhistle and I started out our lives together I forced us to do a very careful accounting of the work of running a household, and then to split it down the middle,
Yes, yes. Same here. Mr. Cordelia does AT LEAST as much home maintainance as I do, and in fact, he does all the drudge work (dishes, laundry, yard work, etc) because I am better at the higher-order management skills of being the manager of this household and the kids' complicated lives. So, he puts in just as many hours and (from my POV) does the less satisfying work. This? Is not patriarchy. It is, arguably, however, a system in which the middle-aged serve the young (both our own kids and our students).
But you know what? I think that's appropriate. And whether or not one has had a ceremony isn't all that important, in my eyes (once the issues of equitable property arrangements and health insurance have been negotiated, which as you point out, can happen without the Ceremony). Although our own ceremony (with me in purple and a beach barbeque) was really fun.
Anyway, we'll talk more (at scandalous length, and with wine, and much laughter, I hope) in August on this subject.
no subject
But Twisty? Is . . . a tad out of touch with the reality of most dual-career couples, as I know them. She's nuts, in other words, when it comes to the class of educated women I know. I wouldn't even open my mouth when I met her, however, since it would be like trying to discuss sex with a virgin.
Given that you LIKED that screed, I'd say we could have a fun conversation, sugar.
But I think that part of what she and other anti-marriage bloggers are confronting, head-on and with horror, is the cost imposed by reading children. For EVERYONE involved, including the fathers. Because part of that cost to wife-and-mother that she is ranting about there is really not so much patriarchal oppression as it is generational oppression: the toll that the younger generation exacts from us older folk, as we rear them.
Life is not all about me, me, and me. Sometimes, it's about your child. And your community. And others. And if you're at the point in life where I am (with abundant resources, some moderate amount of wisdom, and some power) . . .well, yes it is appropriate that I should devote some time to serving others. Including my children. Twisty? Doesn't understand the fact that if everyone were as self-interested as she is, that our species would die out.
In our case, when Fishwhistle and I started out our lives together I forced us to do a very careful accounting of the work of running a household, and then to split it down the middle,
Yes, yes. Same here. Mr. Cordelia does AT LEAST as much home maintainance as I do, and in fact, he does all the drudge work (dishes, laundry, yard work, etc) because I am better at the higher-order management skills of being the manager of this household and the kids' complicated lives. So, he puts in just as many hours and (from my POV) does the less satisfying work. This? Is not patriarchy. It is, arguably, however, a system in which the middle-aged serve the young (both our own kids and our students).
But you know what? I think that's appropriate. And whether or not one has had a ceremony isn't all that important, in my eyes (once the issues of equitable property arrangements and health insurance have been negotiated, which as you point out, can happen without the Ceremony). Although our own ceremony (with me in purple and a beach barbeque) was really fun.
Anyway, we'll talk more (at scandalous length, and with wine, and much laughter, I hope) in August on this subject.