In which the obvious is news to me

[lolaraincoat]

So I'm writing not one but two bad guys for hp_dungeons, a RPG/soap opera whose recent developments are best explained in cartoon form, over here and it disturbs me -- to put it mildly -- to find all that awfulness in my head and put it on the screen. I didn't know there was any part of me that was so ... so ... nasty, you know?

I mean, I've been voicing Charlie Weasley for a year now, and he's a really nice guy (and all the sweetest bits of Charlie's character come straight from observation of fishwhistle so I can't even claim that Charlie's niceness makes up for my evil characters' meanness, because it's not mine) but this is -- different. I'm seriously unnerved.

Fanfic authors, has this ever happened to any of you? And if so, what did you do about it?

Comments

[djinnj.livejournal.com]

See, I don't consider the awfulness to come from any personal rot, but rather from an awareness of just how awful the world can be. If you aren't blinkered to it, then you can tap it as a resource.

After all, we're portraying villains. We know quite well that we have to be villainous when voicing them and so we'll pick the worst of what we know. Which is (sadly for the world) pretty awful.

[lolaraincoat.livejournal.com]

I guess what's worrying me is that so much of both my evil characters is ... me, you know? Lizzie just loves physical violence, it brings her joy: that's me, sparring. Binns ... well, Binns and I do the same job, you know? It just creeps me out how much of them I don't borrow from the general planetary storehouse of evil - it comes from my own personal supply.

*shudders*

[djinnj.livejournal.com]

I did get disconcerted the first time I had F become really vicious; mostly because I was enjoying it!

I think we have to have some connection with our characters, however awful they are, or else they are insubstantial. At least, we do if we aren't geniuses. And evil is often something quite normal twisted just a little bit or missing a small but key element. At least, that's the evil I tend to think is more interesting to write and read about.

I actually have trouble writing aspects of S because he isn't a saint, and it's too easy to write him as some sort of Santa Claus figure. Which is sort of the opposite problem.

[lolaraincoat.livejournal.com]

Hah! yes, I see where that would be exactly the problem with S. and a number of other more-or-less white hats in the Potterverse (at least in fanfic.) One of the best ways to motivate bad (selfish, unthinking, greedy, etc.) behavior in an ambiguous character is to have them run up against material limitations imposed by the real world. In a magical world, where there's likely to be more than enough for all, you lose that possibility - it's too easy for Scrooge to act like Santa, and there goes the story.

Somehow this is all connected in my mind with the Mary Sue issue but I can't quite figure out how.

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, I have *Bella* in my head.

Think of it as a catharsis. Get all your worst urges out of your head and onto the screen. It's fiction. Some people write rape fic, chan fic, torture fic. Some people write horror stories. They're still nice, good, decent people! (As far as I know. Heh.)

Have fun with it. After all, villains are necessary to any good story. And everyone knows they get all the best dialog! :D

[lolaraincoat.livejournal.com]

See, in whatever part of me does the thinking, I know that. And I'm so grateful to the writers who do that and thus give us all the great villians, like your Bella.

It's just ... when it's me ... when that part of me that's hateful gets out there where I have to look at it ... ewwwwwwww.

That's completely unreasonable and unfair and dumb too. But right now I'm just kind of stuck with the feeling of ick! ugh! yuck!, you know?